Beauty, joy, and love surround me, both in my home and in my community. I make a point of being thankful for common things like running water, air conditioning, and a comfortable bed. My household is healthy and we enjoy each other. I focus on these facts, yet I know about what the president and many of our government leaders are doing and saying and they make me cringe. I see reports about R. Kelly and Jeffrey Epstein and wonder about their victims, which leads me to wonder about all of the people we’ve never heard of and their nameless victims. I wonder who molested the molesters, knowing that when people have been abused there is a high possibility of them becoming abusers. Then I think of the children at our borders, separated from the adults who love them, fending for themselves at the mercy of underpaid, barely trained detention staff. 

I think about the parents at the border and though I try not to, sometimes I imagine myself in their shoes. It’s crushing. I observe the skyrocketing cost of homeownership and rent in New Orleans and other U.S. cities, forcing lifelong residents to move away, or to pay more than half of their income for housing. I’ve had to pull my son out of public school because of the shortfalls of the charter school system and now, at the very last minute, I may have to do the same for my oldest child, a high school senior. I’m constantly thinking about world issues – Puerto Rico, The Sudan, Venezuela, North Korea, Palestine… the world is full of suffering, yet I know it’s also full of joy. That’s what keeps me going. My temperament is calm. My demeanor is pleasant. I’m a peacemaker, so I do my best to be kind, offer a complement, smile at a stranger and set an example of loving behavior for my children and anyone who is around me. 

Still, sometimes I feel like I’m all over the place. While I’m working hard to build my life the way I envision it, I’m regularly reminded of the things that frustrate me. I was fired! On top of altering the steps we were taking toward our financial goals, it really hurt my feelings. I’m the first one to tell people that if they die, their employer will post an advertisement to replace them before the family can finish writing the obituary. I say that to remind people not to pour so much of themselves into their work that they have little to nothing left for the REASONS WHY they work. Yet I wonder if taking my own advice lost me my job. 

I’m sharing this so that you can understand me a little more, and hopefully see some things about yourself. There have been many days, especially since losing my job, that I’ve felt like a mess. I’m normally fairly organized and relaxed but sometimes I feel like I can’t pull everything together. I look at myself and wonder if I’m as smart as I used to be, or if I was ever really that smart. When I feel that way, a little slow, a little sloppy, and very overwhelmed, I’m always able realign my thoughts by doing one or more of the following things.

Pray    

Prayer isn’t a fancy speech or a recitation of scripture. It’s simply talking to God, the Father – expressing one’s innermost joy, fear, pain, curiosity, appreciation, or any thoughts and emotions. Because I try to follow Christ’s example of how to live, I pray often and anywhere. I do it while cleaning, driving, showering or while doing any regular task. My favorite places to pray are in our garden, on our back patio, and beside one of my bedroom windows. Observing nature reminds me of God’s amazing creation. When I pay attention to trees, the sky, rain, flowers, fruit, insects, and the way everything works together, I feel comforted because the one who created all of that also created me. I can imagine myself in the Garden of Eden, walking and talking with God. Prayer is the most powerful way for me to compose and refocus myself. I’m sure I’d be a steaming hot mess without it.

Read

I have loved reading since I was a child consuming as many Baby-Sitters Club,  Sweet Valley Twins, Anne of Green Gables, and similar series as I could. I grew to enjoy historical fiction and now I enjoy all sorts of non-fiction, including historical and instructional books. I also enjoy reading the bible. I see it as more than a spiritual instructional book. Reading the King James Version, full of old Shakespearean English, could feel like plodding through Beowulf or another required high school reading assignment. Instead, try reading the English Standard Version  or something else with updated language. Full of powerful families, epic journeys, romance, war, suspense, plot twists, political intrigue and unlikely heroes, the bible is like the best book series ever. I’m both inspired and entertained every time I read it.

Sing & Listen to Music

I love music of all kinds and I love singing. Listening to music, especially intricate harmonies and layered instruments, is one of my favorite pass times. One of the reasons I love New Orleans is the abundance of live music, which can be found at almost anytime, often for free (but donations are suggested and appreciated). Like the song, I often sing because I’m happy. Sometimes I sing because I’m bored or because a song popped into my head. I whistle and hum too. If I hear a song that I know, I often sing along and pick up the harmony. If I don’t know the words I hum. Singing is a powerful tool for me to manage my emotions. If I’m sad I might sing about it, just to physically get the emotion outside of myself. I feel like singing allows me to pull something negative from inside and expel it, freeing myself from the toxin. Sometimes when I’m feeling extreme emotions I cry while singing. I could feel extremely frustrated, joyful, thankful or angry. Tears will flow if I sing at those times, further helping me to turn invisible, inner feelings into something physical that I can understand and manage. Listening to music, singing along, or singing by myself always helps me get it back together when I feel like I’m falling apart.

Talk to Someone I Trust

As I said earlier, I pray, which is nothing more than talking to God, who I trust completely. When I want to talk to a person I usually start with my husband because I trust him with my life. He gets me. I’ve always felt slightly weird and awkward but he gets me and even encourages my quirks and oddities. I also have a group of seven women that I can reach out to at any time, including two friends from college, two friends from high school, two friends that I grew up with like cousins, and my sister. Six of them are married and have children so I often talk to them about challenges and victories associated with those experiences. I can tell them anything and they’re always willing to listen, help me figure things out, or pray for me. They know I’m not one to get involved in altercations but if something was happening to me, they would all show up in New Orleans, ready to fight with me. I also share things with my mom and with my closest cousin. Those two will also listen, encourage and pray for me. They might show up with tanks and an army to attack anyone who was attacking me. My people love me.

Write

I shared the reasons why I write and the ways that writing helps me in a recent post titled Journaling: Part of My Self Care Summer. I generally write for the same reasons I sing – to get what’s inside of me out, releasing the energy and emotions that sometimes feel trapped inside. For more on this subject please click here.

Do Something Fun

I really enjoy dancing, eating, spending time outside and enjoying the company of my family and friends. That might include simple things like playing dominoes with my children or enjoying a glass of wine with my husband. It could also include going to a family cookout or going on vacation with good friends. In any case, I end up laughing, which is a great release. If you’ve never heard me laugh, you’re missing out because it’s crazy. Ask anyone who grew up with me or knew me as a child. I was nicknamed Woody Woodpecker and Webster, simply because of my laugh, and I when I do something fun laughter is always involved. 

Job 8:21 says, “He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy” and Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” I keep this in mind, knowing that dwelling on the negative is never beneficial to anyone. While I’ll always be empathetic, and my boundless imagination can lead me down sorrowful rabbit holes, I make sure to recenter myself, consistently balancing, so that I’m able to fully enjoy my life. What are some things that you do to remain balanced?